All The Single Ladies

February 23, 2011-

By Lauren

Original Post 2.23.2010

We knew it would be good, and it was! 23 women (flying on the wings of love without Vienna and Tenley this week), many of them heartbroken, getting together to address rumors and gossip on the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON OF THE BACHELOR EVER. What better way to spend a Monday night (or even Saturday night for me these days)? Now, for some hi-lights.

Lets start off with some humor….The funniest part to me was that looking back Jake said that he regretted not giving a rose to Christina, the 25 year old restaurant manager from Cali. Hello!!! He has HORRIFIC taste. She is the ONLY other person that could rival Vienna in the “I’m young and immature with a wild past and tattoo and a job in the restaurant industry” category (besides me at 25), and looking back, she actually was a total b*tch from what I recall. Her website quote is “Most of my friends are guys.” I think I know what that means, but in honor of keeping the blog PG-13 I will skip on my explanation… Jake’s mommy must have been dancing on bars and smoking Newports when he was a kid, because he seems to be super attracted to the trash bags. They should have just made it The Bachelor: Detroit, and he would have loved all 25 ladies.

And of course we all want to talk about Rozlyn, Rozlyn, Rozlyn….She just looks like she would sleep with your husband. My prediction is that she comes out as Tiger Woods 57th mistress! She was clearly lying about not having an affair with a producer, as at least 4 of the seemingly nicer women spoke out against her, and why lie? I also found it mildly confusing that she accused Chris Harrison of hitting on the mystery producers WIFE (which I am calling shennanigans on because she seems nuts and Chris seems like sort of a chick)….If this dude has a wife, why is he stopping with his dad to visit Rozlyn in her hometown, or having such a close “friendship” with her? I need to know more. Maybe this is why she is lying about the whole ordeal? I’m glad everyone stood up to her, and didn’t just shrink back in the shadows.

And then there was Ali, who I was happy was able to look back and see what a jerk she looked like (or that someone looked back and told her what a jerk she looked like) when she spent her days bagging on Vienna, although I don’t know as she was totally sincere, as I still have a bad taste in my mouth for this one. Maybe it is a ploy to get Jake to run back to her one day or part of her campaign to get viewers as the next Bachelorette, which I would still guess she will be if she is willing to leave her job. I also thought she spent a good amount of time trying to force tears so she looked really upset, and apparently not a good amount of time getting her hair done before going on national TV (she must have been too busy changing my homepage on Facebook).

Briefly, since we have been over Michelle’s mental health one too many times but I still cannot leave it out, I enjoyed that they did not tip toe around calling her crazy pants. I am surprised they didn’t wheel her out in a straight jacket. I love that, again, she went out and defended herself and acted like her actions were that of a normal, stable human being, when they clearly were not. Guys, if she comes up as a match for you on EHarmony, RUN!

During the show last night I found myself wanting to be BFF with two of the girls, Gia and Ashleigh. First, I found myself not only wanting to be friends with Gia but wanting to hold her like a baby and tell her everything will be okay, and I am really not that type. She really seems so sweet to me, like a puppy! I do not know what it is, but I just feel so bad for her! I want to find her a man and I do not want her to be upset! My second BFF choice is Ashleigh, who seems hilarious….I love the profanity laced tirade that she went off on when she was not given a rose and when she gave the camera the finger. A girl after my own heart, she just seems like a cool chick. Personally, I think she would be great as the next Bachelorette.

SO, next week we are back to the final two, Tenley and Vienna. Watching the clips of Tenley prancing around like Snow White (and laughing at how Gia said she probably sh*ts rainbows) really made me somewhat ill. I am curious about what is underneath the surface, and if it is laced with TONS prozac. I wouldn’t blame her as bit, if I saved myself for marriage only to be cheated on, I would need a cocktail of prescription drugs (actually, I could use them without that)! And it looks like she’s got the good ones. Either way, good for her for being the most positive person ever to live outside of the Magic Kingdom. All of that being said, I’m on team Vienna because women CAN grow up and get their crap together when they find the right guy…Sorry world, I don’t think I could handle Jake and Tenley’s kids, who I am guessing would come out as the 7 Dwarfs.

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