January 4, 2010-
Before I let the past decade go (which must have been my glory days since I seem to enjoy talking about it), take a look at the ELEVEN worst FASHION Faux Pas sported over the past 10 years…Because narrowing down to just 10 was impossible.
The Down Payment Handbag – Denim wasn’t the only status symbol of the new millenium. Handbag’s with C’s, G’s and LV’s became a must have. Those of us who couldn’t afford them found ourselves being led in and out of back rooms on Canal Street, digging through piles of “Fucci”, only to get a bag and get called out on its authenticity. I even found myself making a monthly payment to a website who would let me BORROW the designer bag of my choice. Let’s hope this is the start of a decade of really good fakes or a new, hot, inexpensive trend in handbags!
The Man in Skinny Jeans– I normally do not like to offend people, but you offended me with your tiny jeans. This proved to be the next bad male jean trend, following up on the boxer exposing jeans of the 90’s. This is never okay. Dudes in skinny jeans almost always end up looking like Humpty Dumpty . Leave the tight stuff to the ladies.
Anything Sex And the City “Inspired” – Just because Carrie Bradshaw can look hot sporting a floral appliqué the size of Rhode Island down 5th Ave doesn’t mean you should even attempt it. I loved seeing the creative fashion choices on this popular show as much as the next, but the DIY version often didn’t work for the shows loyal followers. Also…staying with the man who left you at the altar and who jerked you around for 8 season is SO 1990’s.
High Waisted Jeans– Ladies, these only look hot in a size 0. They look adorable on them, but they end up making your average hottie look like she has hips that are about 10 times larger than they actually are. I normally try every trend, but I couldn’t bring myself to damage my self-esteem in this one. Just remember poor Jessica Simpson’s mishaps with this hip hugging style…Enough said.
Nerd Glasses – Family Matters goes off the air and suddenly Urkel’s glasses become cool? I have seen many a Hollywood Celeb sporting these black thick rims and I do not get the appeal. Those of you who are wearing these without prescription lenses should be especially ashamed. So take ’em off, along with that goofy fedora.
Kate Gosselin Hair – How is this a phenomenon? I have even read that it is one of the most requested hair styles at salons. I can only imagine what parts of these here United States of America that data was skewed by. I don’t know as I have actually seen anyone with this cut! It is sure to be looked at as the mullet of the New Millenium.
Premium denim – The past decade became a time of paying over $180 for the “it” pair of jeans. Denim became a status symbol, and if you didn’t have the right crowns or stitching on your back pockets you weren’t in style. The jeans became more dressy, their prices became higher and my bank account became emptier.
Grillz – I know most of us didn’t actually sport these bad boys, but who’s genius idea was it to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on non-functional gold mouthpieces that were often inscripted with so an ever so clever phrase or encrusted with diamonds? There was even a song about it! Lets hope these bad boys are in the back of your closet with your Paul Wall CD.
Full Bangs – This is NOT meant to all…But it is meant to many. A lot of us (including me) so do not have the face to pull off a full heavy bang. Yeah Naomi Campbell looks hot, but you look like a first grade boy with chubby cheeks. I know the guys out there are with me, as many were not afraid to tell me exactly how I wasn’t pulling them off when I decided to give ‘em a try! If you look hot, keep rockin’ it…If ya don’t, sweep ’em to the side.
The Juicy Booty– I am confident that my ever beloved Juicy Couture jumpsuit is a trend that we are sure to look back and laugh at, however, I am more confident that we will look back at the original Juicy sweatpants that had the word “JUICY” plastered across the butt and be ever so embarrassed. I know my dad was when I wore them out to the auto mechanic with him after I hit a deer in college!
Ed Hardy – Last, but definitely NOT least, Mr. Ed Hardy….I, of course, LOVED this stuff when it first came out, but, by the time I could buy it for a reasonable price at TJ Maxx (and every other store on the face of the earth) Jon Gosselin and his army of douchebags had totally destroyed the brand…And probably saving me from future embarrassment. This brand is actually now a window into a person’s soul. If you are wearing this, you don’t want to know what the rest of us are seeing. Thank you, Ed Hardy, for giving us a universal warning to deter us from tools.