The NEW Bachelor

January 6, 2010-

By Lauren

After taking a day to digest the imminent disaster that surely faces us on this season of “The Bachelor : On The Wings of Love” I have decided that I will have to lock my small child away every Monday night for an hour or 2 as to not miss a second of it (only kidding DCFS).  With a crew of crazies chasing after a man who seems like he is going to cry more than a teenage girl, this definitely has the potential to compete with the Jason season!!!

Normally I am surprised  because the women on previous seasons have seemed to be independent and all have professional careers and I find myself wondering how they are able to leave their positions behind and still return to their jobs after the fat lady sings.  Not this time…With titles such as Spokesmodel (see: I work freelance and I need a man who has a good job to pay for my expensive teeth whitening habit), Restaurant Manager/Waitress (I get drunk every night and hook up with half my staff), Wardrobe Consultant (aka retail clerk), Cosmetologist (crazy pants), Homemaker (how does one accomplish such a feat without a man? I’d better see Jake next to Kanye hollerin’  “We Want Prenup”) and other professions relying more on looks than brain**, this seems more like a cast found on “Rock of Love Bus” than The Bachelor

In the spirit of not just ripping on the ladies (I do think some of which are normal and cute, but complimenting them would not make for a good blog!!), I think Jake may have his fair share of quirks as well.  First, he is THAT good looking, 31, WANTS to get married and ISN’T. Single ladies in your 20’s and 30’s looking to land a man know that his type is a rarity, and when you do find someone like him he often ends up standing outside your apartment at 2am dressed in high heels looking in your window!  Second, he mentioned his mom before introductions were over.  Ladies…get ready to deal with that red flag. And, to round things out, there seem to be many a previw of Jake crying…Many love a sensitive man, but they are only on that show for what, 6 weeks? I can’t remember ever knowing someone for only 6 weeks that made me cry.

Highlights:  Channy, who obviously has a case of the crazies, telling a man who seems to be a bit of a mama’s boy, he could land his plane on her runway anytime…AWKWARD.  The elimination of Elizabeth, the Captain in the Air National Guard, who actually seems to have a head on her shoulder (because who likes that)? The crazy purple princess dress that Kathryn (obviously not consulting her fellow contestant, the Wardrobe Consultant) sported. Vienna, PROUDLY admitting that she has crashed many a car, all that her DADDY has bought her.  And Jake failing to eliminate Michelle? I sincerely hope the producers were behind the last one.

The rumors are swirling….One of the contestants is kicked off for messing around with one of the producers (who is also fired) and two of the bachelorettes are having a lesbian affair.  The cherry on top is definitely Michelle, that is sure to turn out to be the female version of Jeffery Dahmer.  Put your seats and tray tables in an upright position, we’re going for a ride!

**Yes I am aware that I have spent my time employed in the fashion, cosmetic and restaurant industry,  and COULD fit in rather nicely this season if I was not happily married, but who doesn’t love a hypocrite?!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

0 comments

Comments

  1. Mandy Kuzak says

    Amazing review! We don’t have a TV yet so I wasn’t able to tune in, I love the Bachelor and it looks like I am missing a great season! Hopefully I will get a TV before the finale.

  2. Brian says

    The Big Blonde is Back! Cool. This show sounds ridiculous and a train wreck waiting to happen. Maybe I should watch???? Na, I’m a guy. Hilarious analysis, thanks.

  3. lasebastian says

    Yeah Comer…Calling a chick who has been pregnant for over 9 months “Big” is not the route you want to go…unless you want to be blocked from her blog. Or any chick at any time for that matter.

  4. Megan says

    My favorite girl is the crazy who wouldn’t stop crying an hour into it because she was so into the bachelor and hadn’t gotten any one-on-one time with her! I can’t believe he kept her!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Never Miss something big...