Reality Hell

February 23, 2011-

By Lauren

Original Post 8.10.2010

As I sit here watching a Today’s show segment entitled “Emotional Hoarding”, I have come to the realization that I am now functioning on enough sleep to realize how pathetic my actions are. By the transitive property*, I have also realized this means that I am no longer a sleep deprived, shell of myself and in turn, it’s time to grace the world with my exaggerated opinions on irrelevant topics once again. Which brings me to Bachelor Pad.

I will venture to say I may be one of the only people in America who made it through the complete episode (or almost) of this Survivor meets Road World/Real World Challenge meets waiting room at the Planned Planned Parenthood fiasco. For those of you who can venture from your house after 7pm and did not catch the show, the jist is that there are x number of former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants competing for a shot at “love”/$250,000/15 more minutes of D list fame/hoook ups/ herpes. The producers brought in fan “favorites” Michelle (still crazy as an 8), Craig M, the Weatherman, No Kiss Elizabeth, Disney Princess Tenley, Dumb as Rocks Jesse and many others that I do not recognize due to the fact that I have only watched 3 seasons of the show (see pregnancy/social life inverse relationship) and are sitting back and watching the magic happen.

+ + =

There were a few blog-worthy topics in this somewhat dry show. One: Craig M is a total sociopath. Anyone who watched Ali’s season** knows this guy is a total jerk, but now that the show is relying on alliances, a switch has flipped and he is acting like a normal human being. The personality difference is almost frightening, however he did do one thing (or person) that showed he is still the same ole’ G. He picked out the weak pyschopath Michelle, who is the emotional equivalent of a deer with 4 broken legs on the side of the expressway, and hooked up with her. He then declined to invite her on his 1 on 3 date and voted her off. If I was this guy I would be sleeping with one eye open (and an AK 47) after last nights show aired. If he lives to see tomorrow, he should note that he looked MUCH better when he hair was wet, he needs to recognize that only Snookie can pull off that type of volume.

Speaking of sleeping with one eye open, I thought Tenley was going endure death by curling iron when Michelle trapped her in the bathroom and confronted her about the “rumor” that she spread about Michelle’s “transgressions” (thanks to my man T Woods, I don’t even need a thesaurus) with Craig M. It was as if one of the 7 dwarfs had cornered Snow White with a set of brass knuckles. It was obvious by the deranged, Mel Gipson-esque words Michelle had for Tenley, that Michelle definitely had done the dirty with Craig M. Supporting that fact were the looks that Michelle kept giving to Craig M. throughout the episode, that would make Kathy Bates ala “Misery” cringe. This actually made me believe that the producers do not have a hand in everything on this show. If they did, they would have kept Michelle on forever and given her a spin off show, I know I would watch.

Another notable crazy is Elizabeth from Jake’s season. The dye job switch did not do anything for her case of the crazies….After game playing (which she was pretty much the Los Angeles Clippers of) with Jake Pavelka and refusing to kiss him until proposal she is making this other guys life, Jeese K., a living hell. She needs to get booted, as she creates much more annoyance than entertainment.

In the end Juan and Michelle were given the boot. Had I paid more attention I could tell you something about Juan, but I think my dog chased her tail and distracted me.

While good in theory, I think this show is a bust. Sadly, I will probably watch this again next week, although I doubt I will be devoting another full blog to it, unless something earth shattering happens, like they bring in Jake and Vienna as late editions to the show, or Michelle comes back on the set and goes postal (probably would be funnier if there wasn’t an actual possibility).

*If I have misused this term, it is not due to sleep deprivation

**I could have blogged about Ali’s season (roots, poor wardrobe choice, nervous giggles) all day, but chose not to due to the fact my marriage was already on the rocks due to some of my overly conplimentary Facebook posts about the winner, who I may or may not have said our child could call “Daddy Roberto” 😉

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

0 comments

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.

Never Miss something big...